Strength in Numbers

I base a lot of what I do on what I observe other people doing. That's pretty much how you learn everything when you're a kid--by watching your parents, or older siblings, or kids on the playground. But even now I still try to keep an eye out for what others are doing, because chances are if I'm the only one doing something a certain way...and everyone else is doing something another way...I'm probably wrong. And I hate being wrong.

It's a really sinking feeling when you look around and find that you're all alone, either physically or in action, or emotion or I'll just stop trying to explain it and launch into examples.

When I was at school there was a certain time of night that no one on campus was out walking. Usually a Friday night after dinner time, but before everyone went out for the night. And every once in awhile I would have to walk across campus at that time to get to a friend's dorm. On the 8 minute walk I literally wouldn't walk past a single other human being. And it would make me really paranoid. Did I not get some really important reverse 911 text that a mad man is loose on campus and I should be indoors? Is everyone at some really awesome concert that I didn't know about?

Mom? Dad? ...Uncle Frank?

Also at school when you were taking a test, it was a terrible feeling when everyone started to get out of their seat at the same time and pass in the test, but meanwhile you still had half of the test left. Or later when you'd talk to people about the test and they'd say, "I didn't think that was bad at all!" and you were thinking "I'm pretty sure I would have escaped that test with more dignity had I left the whole thing blank. And written my name as Donald Duck."

I know I've mentioned going online for medical issues in an earlier post, but I'm going to talk about online posts again, because for some reason they have the ability to really make or break me. The other day I was at the gym and all the good treadmills were taken. I had to run on this scary tank-looking treadmill called the Woodway. I've run on it a decent amount of times before, and finally, running on it the other day, I came to the conclusion that I actually hate it. It is SO much harder for me to run at the same speed on that thing than it is on a normal treadmill. I was sucking wind.

So I went home, got on my laptop and started searching for reviews of this treadmill...because it's not good enough that just I hate it. Everyone else has to hate it too. Then I'll feel better.

EVERYONE loves this stinking treadmill. It's a tiny slice of heaven in the gym. The world's best athletes train on this treadmill. If you buy one, it lasts FOREVER. "Best purchase I've ever made!" -Said everyone on every forum I could find.

What the hell??

I'm sure there's something to be said for being confident in your own decisions, blah blah blah, blaze your own trail...but blazing your own trail gets dangerous when there's only one person there to put out the fire.

"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason."
-Jerry Seinfeld

Party Like It's 2012

Considering I haven't heard much about it lately, I'm assuming that we've all come to the general consensus that the world isn't going to end on December 21, 2012. I'm glad that the hype around it has died down, but it still really bugs me that there was ever hype around it at all.

If you don't know much about this 12/21/12 phenomenon it's ok, because honestly I don't either. So you're no worse off than I am (rejoice or panic accordingly). I think all you really need to know is that the Mayans were allegedly a really smart and advanced society and they stopped tracking their calendar on December 21, 2012. This automatically means the world is ending.

I'm sure there's a few other details in there that made the story a lot more compelling and scary. Maybe Nostradamus predicted it too or something? I don't really know.

But the bottom line is that if we can't even predict the weather for a single town tomorrow, I'm pretty confident that no one can predict the end of the entire world thousands of years in advance.

People are always trying to convince others that they have the exact right idea about the way things work. How many different life philosophies have you heard?

And they all conflict. "You only live once" but "Life is fragile" "In the grand scheme of things nothing matters!" but "The wings of a single butterfly beating thousands of miles away can change the course of life as we know it." ...or however that one goes.

Science is the exact same way. The world was absolutely flat until it was round. Babies should always be put to sleep on their backs until they must always be put in creepy straitjackets. Sinus infections could only be cured by antibiotics until the antibiotics did nothing to help sinus infections.

No one wants to admit that something they've done a lot of work and research for is only probably true. But honestly, life is a pretty complicated thing if you look at it scientifically. The fact that any of us could ever understand the ways of the body, the world, or the universe thoroughly and completely is pretty ridiculous.

We're only human, and a lot of things are going to be beyond our comprehension. We've made a lot of great advances over the years, don't get me wrong...but it's pretty presumptuous of us to think we could predict the end of something as complicated as the world. Those Mayans sure were arrogant! (I say that jokingly...I have never met a Mayan but I'm sure they're really great people.)


"When they discover the center of the universe, many people will be disappointed to discover they are not it."
-Bernard Bailey

"To be yourself is all that you can do"

It's an unrealistic expectation that we have as humans that others will be or become what we want them to be.

I could get all depressing on you and talk about relationships but I'm not going to. I want to talk about random acquaintances, or maybe even strangers.

Has anyone ever tried to tell you that the tattooed punk who's only friends with stoners is actually completely straightedge? "I know his eyes are always bloodshot, but it's just because he's crying over all the injustice in society."

Or the complete jerk who works in the cafeteria, believe it or not, sends his entire paycheck to overseas orphanages.

People love a good irony. Sometimes to the extent that I think they create the irony themselves.

I'm more than suspicious when you try to get me to believe something that goes against all evidence and reason.

Like when someone tries to tell me, "No no, they're actually SUCH a nice person when you get to know them."

Look...an actual nice person would be nice to anyone, even if they didn't know them. Is that not what being nice means? If someone is a dick to everyone except for the people who are useful to them...that's not nice.

Just because it would wrap up into a neat little story does not mean that the crappy person you work with is actually a saint behind closed, locked and soldered doors.

What I'm about to say may sound a little serious, but just know that ultimately I'm saying that people should be who they are, and true to what they feel. So bear with me.

There can be such things as mean people. And we don't always have to give them excuses. For every person who acts like a complete ass because their parents divorced when they were 11 are 10 more people who aren't an ass because their parents divorced when they were 11.

You may have a million reasons as to why you are the way you are...but that doesn't mean that you aren't really what you are. Follow?

Someone may have what they think is a perfectly good reason to treat people like crap. That's fine. But they shouldn't get to call themselves "a nice person who was dealt a bad hand." In reality, they still treat people like crap. And that's not nice.

Find another adjective people!

We are who we are, and it is very difficult to be any other way...regardless of how lovely the story would be if we could be a different version of ourselves.

Not everyone has to be nice, not everyone has to be straightedge, not everyone has to give their entire paycheck to charity. The world would be boring and kind of creepy if everyone were nice, or endlessly giving.

By all means, every day you should try to be the best person you can be. I can't and won't fault you for that. But I still may not call you nice.


"I am what I am, you could like it or love it"
-50 Cent
...This post needed a little light-hearted pick-me-up from Fiddy.

A-HA!

When I was a little kid, the way I viewed the world was skewed, blurred, and glossed over. There were many things I didn't know the meaning of. There were other things I thought I knew the meaning of but was wrong. And there were even more things I was sure I would never ever know the meaning of.

I'm 23 years old and I still have an "A-HA!" or an "ooOOhh!" moment weekly, if not more. All the sudden, even when I'm least expecting it, some small piece of knowledge will fall into place and I'll understand the world--or at least my world as I know it--a little better.

This includes things I never even realized that I didn't understand too. For example, the other day I realized something that literally got me to say "Oh my God!" out loud, to just myself in my car. The office supply store, Staples, has a double meaning. Not only are staples one of the many kinds of office supplies, BUT a "staple" is also something we deem to be necessary, like how a black dress can be a staple of a woman's wardrobe. Mind. Blown.

Looking back at my childhood (even to just as recently as say, last week) I'll share a few of my "A-HA!" moments...

When I was in the 2nd grade, my brother was in 7th. Since 8th graders were at the high school at the time, they were allowed to play on high school sports teams. At the dinner table one night, my brother mentioned that when he got into the 8th grade, he wanted to join the cross country team. Having never heard of the sport before, I thought this meant that you ran across the entire country. I didn't quite take the time to work out the logistics in my head, such as how they would attend school, or the fact that it would be a few thousand miles of running if they actually ran across the country. But, if you know me, you know that I'm quite attached to my brother, so I blurted out, "YOU CAN'T DO CROSS COUNTRY WE'LL NEVER SEE YOU!"

...Now, I may have been dumb enough to think cross country meant a Massachusetts-to-California run, but I was NOT dumb enough to miss the confusion on my family's face.

Almost immediately I realized my mistake and quickly smoothed it over, mumbling something about how practice would be really long. ...Luckily I kept that one a pretty quiet A-HA! (more like a-haaa) moment, and if my family reads this blog this may be the first time they hear that story.

Anytime I watch movies that I used to watch as a kid, I have an A-HA! moment. I didn't understand a freaking thing that went on in any movie I watched as a kid. I saw Beethoven for the first time in maybe, 15 years? a couple months ago on TV. I remembered who the bad guys were, and I remembered specific things that happened--the obnoxious man and woman being dragged through the yard by Beethoven, the little girl falling in the pool, the mean doctor pretending he was attacked...but I didn't have a clue why ANY of that stuff happened. Andd now that I understand Beethoven, one more piece in the puzzle of the world falls into place!

Remember seeing your parents do chores/errands/calculations that seemed so confusing? And you swore you would never understand how to do it? Now, things like driving a car, or paying bills, or remembering how to get to all of your friends' houses, or down the Cape, seem really simple. There may not have been one specific moment where you learned it all, but you figured it out gradually along the way. Maybe you barely even noticed it, but one day you paid your first bill. Or filled out your first tax form.

I think when I was little I assumed that when I became an independent member of society, living away from my parents and on my own, my picture of the world would be crystal clear. That's how I thought all adults saw the world. But now that I'm actually technically an adult and still don't understand things like health insurance or how to check the oil in my car, I'm starting to think that maybe the world will always be a little blurry to me. At least some parts of it. But that's ok, because if everything were clear, I would really miss those A-HA! or a-haaa! moments.



"I always thought that, um, dogs, laid eggs. And I learned something today!"
-Peter Griffin, Family Guy

Say what?

Since I've recently been hung up on language quirks (refer to previous post), ever noticed that how we say something is often just as important as what we're saying? You can say a lot with inflection, pauses, rhythm etc. Sometimes how we say something even trumps what it is we're saying in importance. This happens every time I call Reese's Pieces "reese's peecees." I sacrifice saying the word "pieces" correctly to get the rhyme.

Also, something similar happens when I say the pledge of allegiance. The meaning is essentially butchered because I say it in such a weird way. Is this how you were taught too?

I pledge allegiance,

to the flag,

of the United. States. of America.

And to the republic for which it stands.

One nation.

Under God.

Indivisible.

With liberty 

and justice...

for all.

Did the whole country learn to say this paragraph with the same pauses? It makes absolutely no sense when you break it up the way I was taught. "And to the republic" sounds like the beginning of a whole new idea.

"And to the republic for which it stands--I would like to say thank you for being the reason 'it' stands."

But we're all about breaking up sentences/words for the sake of a rhythm or flow, or taking a breath, or whatever you want to call it.

How about just about every Katy Perry song ever? Girl can't say more than one syllable without taking a break.

"Cal-ih-forn-ia girls" "Kiss. Me. Kih-kih-kih-kiss-me." "T! G! I! F!" "You. Make. Me. Feel like I'm livin' a teen-age dream."

Or just take a few past/present summer hits..."We gon' light. it. up. like it's dyn-o-mite." "Star. Ships. We're meant to fly. Hands. Up. And touch the sky." "I'm at a payyyphoneee"

...Ok so that last one didn't apply. I just wanted to get it stuck in your head. SUCKAHH!

"You put the wrong emphASis on the wrong syllABle"

-Someone from some movie that was probably terrible except for this one quote that I still remember years later.

...I looked it up. It's View from the Top with Gwyneth Paltrow and Mike Myers...anyone? anyone at all? Nope. Ok.

[Insert Cliché Here]

Language is an extremely easy tool to misuse. We use it so often that we often dilute how potent it can really be. When I talk, and when I listen to other people talk, I come across a lot of filler. Sometimes the filler is sort of necessary. It can get you from point A to point B in a conversation. But a lot of times the filler is just for our own comfort, and quite often has no meaning at all. Or is actually just plain incorrect to use.

It drives me insane when I find myself wrapping up intelligent conversations with a completely unintelligent canned closing remark.

"Ohh well...can't win 'em all!'

...Can you really not win them all? Plenty of teams have had undefeated seasons...haven't they won them all?

"It is what it is."

Why wouldn't it be what it is? Otherwise it would be something else. And then it wouldn't be it at all.

"...But what can ya do?"

If no one can do anything about this then why the hell did we just talk about it for 20 minutes?


I also cringe at myself when I'm ending a phone call and I say, "alrightyy..."


Why do I say that?? Did I get that from Ace Ventura? That's just awful. I feel better about myself when I say "Okie Dokie." Not by much...but at least a little bit better. At least I'm not absent-mindedly quoting Jim Carrey with that one.

One of my biggest pet peeves for years has been when people use the phrase "No offense..." as if it is some sort of free pass to say something really offensive.

"No offense but you're a total bitch."

Wow, I would totally be pissed about that BUT you told me you didn't mean it offensively. So that's ok...I guess?

Honestly, if you're on the giving-end of a "no offense but..." statement, just save yourself some time and skip those two words. Because you really do mean to offend the other person. If you didn't, you wouldn't be calling them a bitch even with the wimpy pre-cursor.

It's really difficult to avoid all of these filler phrases once you've picked up the habit. I know because I've been trying to distance myself from "alrighty" for quite some time now, to no avail.


Alrighty, time to wrap this up!




"Einhorn is Finkle! Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is a man! ...OH MY GOD!! Einhorn is a Man!"
-Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura Pet Detective

In an ideal world...

In day-to-day life there are lots of little things that make me think, "This would be way better if it were just a little different." ...I just tried 7 times to explain myself further and every time I sounded even more idiotic than usual. So I'm just going to cut right to the examples today.

When I watch The Biggest Loser, I always wonder why they send the person/team who loses the least amount of weight home. I mean, I know the show is a competition, but it makes me sad because the people who lost the least amount of weight are the people who need the most help! But they just get sent home! What the show should do is send the people who get kicked off to a much more brutal weight loss reality show. Kind of like a deeper circle of hell. Tough love people...tough love!


Speaking of fat, how much better would we all look if fat shifting were a possibility? It's my fat...I should be able to choose where it goes.


(Side note, video style):

Moving on...When people try on my glasses they always say, "Woahhh is this how things look to you when you're not wearing glasses??" And I always think, "Probably not...but it totally should work that way."


When I go to restaurants and I'm trying to decide what I want, it would be really helpful if the pictures of the food on the menu were actual pictures of real food cooked in that restaurant. I already know that I can't trust anything I see on those pictures so they barely even exist in my mind. I just skip right over them because I know they're there to trick me. And I don't like being tricked.


Sometimes when I make a purchase from a vending machine, I make a terrible mistake. Either the wrong drink comes out, or you accidentally press the wrong letter/number combo and end up with a Sky Bar or something gross and I feel like there should be some way to return these things and try again. Or like, can I get a preview of what I'm ordering before it just drops from the machine? Chances are, if I'm getting something from a vending machine, I'm pretty desperate for it, so I'd really like to make sure it's the right product.


Now that it's time to wrap this up, I still don't have anything intelligent to say about it. I'm really heavily relying on the examples today and hoping you guys identify with at least one.




Every year, 10-13 people die in tragic vending machine accidents.
-A fact that, I am almost positive, is entirely fabricated. But I bet you've heard it before.

"What was I just gonna do?"

There's a lot of thinking required of us as human beings. We have a lot of things we can severely mess up if we aren't thinking for even just a few seconds.

That being said, it's a little scary how often I find myself doing things without even the smallest amount of thought. And when no thought is going into what I'm doing, I usually end up doing the same thing every time.

For example, when I'm not paying attention when I open up my web browser to research something for work I end up typing "www.facebook.com" Then as I'm staring at the Facebook homepage wondering how and why I got there, I'm forgetting why I opened the browser in the first place.

When I'm not thinking as I'm walking somewhere in my house to get something I always end up in my kitchen. Usually staring blankly at all the cabinets. Why did I come here? Oh well, guess I'll grab a snack.

When I lose track of what I'm doing when I turn on the TV I, without fail, end up on the ABC Family channel. I'm 23 years old. Why does that happen?

When I'm walking down the street getting lost in random thoughts, I apparently default to a really mean face. Because it's not uncommon that strangers tell me to smile, or ask me if I'm OK.

When I'm walking through CVS absentmindedly I end up buying EVERYTHING. What the hell did I just spend $70 on??

I guess none of those thoughtless actions are particularly damaging, which is lucky. What if every time I zoned out turning on the TV I ended up buying something on Pay Per View? That could be more costly than a distracted CVS run!

This is somewhat related and in no way a conclusion to what I was just talking about. But you know what's funny? When you're mid-conversation with someone on the phone and you can tell they've totally stopped paying attention. Especially when they're the one talking.

"....SQUIRREL!"
-Dug, UP!

No judgment.

So ever since I wrote about my opinion on internet security/privacy I've done a little careful monitoring of the things that bother me about the internet and the things that don't. For example, I've discovered that it really irks me that when you Google search my name, a tweet of mine about The Bachelor from 5 months ago comes up first. But you have to scroll down to find my 4 years of collegiate track stats. That's fair.

I've also noticed my Google search activity, and found that my biggest issue, ever since I found out that Google essentially tracks everything you type, is that I'm embarrassed or self-conscious about what I'm searching. And I'm willing to bet I'm a pretty squeaky clean member of society compared to some of you dogs out there! (none of MY readers of course though..you guys are great.)

But seriously, I find myself altering what I type into the tool bar just so Google doesn't judge me.

i.e."A friend of mine who isn't me wants to know if any restaurants take reservations for 1"

"Someone asked me to look up the lyrics to Miley Cyrus's 'The Climb'"

"Movie times for Katy Perry's A Part of Me in 3D...so I know when NOT to go to the theatre"

"I'm doing a school project on the Charles Manson murders"

They're making me so self conscious! I don't want anyone thinking I'm obsessed with Charles Manson...I just got curious once! If something bad ever happens to me I don't want the police to bring up my search history and make extremely irrelevant searches into relevant case points. I just like knowing the words to emo songs!! I'm not suicidal! Give me a break!

"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it's hard to verify their authenticity."

-Abraham Lincoln

"A Few Minutes with Me"

Most of the time when people tell me I look or act like someone, I completely disagree with them. When I was little I hated when people would tell me I looked like Julia Roberts. Because, to me, she looked like a horse. Now that I'm older, if someone told me I looked like Julia Roberts I'd be flattered...but of course, no one's mentioned it in years. Now I get told that I look like Katharine McPhee from American Idol and that new show Smash. I guess I can kind of see it sometimes? I've been told that my mannerisms remind people of Kristen Wiig, and sometimes my mom will tell me that I'm acting like my grandmother. And I have never been in particular agreement with any of these comparisons.

But, last night a friend of mine hit the nail SO directly on the head of who I am that I haven't really stopped laughing about it. I even called my mom to tell her...and I think she may still be laughing too.

I'm Andy Rooney.

When the heck did this happen?? I didn't even know who he was until last night!! 

If you don't know who he is either here's the Wikipedia summary:

"Andrew Aitken "Andy" Rooney (January 14, 1919 – November 4, 2011) was an American radio and television writer. He was most notable for his weekly broadcast "A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney," a part of the CBS News program 60 Minutes from 1978 to 2011. His final regular appearance on 60 Minutes aired October 2, 2011. He died one month later, on November 4, 2011, at age 92."

Apparently in this "A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney" segment, he always appeared behind a walnut table (fun wiki fact: he built this table himself) and ranted about completely trivial things.

It's one thing to aspire to be like someone in your life...but when you are a 23 year old girl it's a bit shocking to find out on one random night that you're the spitting internal image of a feisty old (and now dead) man. (I assume since he was born in 1919 that maybe our political/social views may not align...so I reserve the right to be different from him in that sense.)

Anyways, here are a few videos of Andy Rooney. Imagine these monologues as blog posts and tell me they wouldn't fit seamlessly into my blog! I'm so creeped out.

"People have often told me I said the things they are thinking themselves. I probably haven't said anything here that you didn't already know, or have already thought. That's what a writer does."

-Andy Rooney

...I swear I say something just like this in my first blog post. WHYYY am I this 92 year old man?!?

You know you're reading a blog if...

Do you ever question what year you were born in?

Have you ever wondered if you resided in a specific geographical location? Boston perhaps?

Have you ever asked yourself while sitting in your college dorm, "do I attend college?"

No? Me either. But then why in God's name are lists like, "You know you're from Boston if..." "You know you're a 90s kid if..." and "You know you go to college if..." so popular?

If I say "water fountain" instead of "bubblah" does that really change where I grew up? Does that make me any less from Boston? Can I skip out on Massachusetts taxes please?

What about if I use my turn signal when I change lanes? Are the birthers out there going to be checking my birth certificate?

I'm confused as to the point of these lists. And I'm also confused as to why I sometimes enjoy reading them. I wish I didn't.

(Side note: NO ONE says "wicked pissah" so can all you list makers out there remove that from the "You know you're from Boston if..." lists?)

(Side side note: If you're thinking, "I totally say wicked pissah" you're lying to yourself. Or you constantly get laughed at by your friends. And not in the "we're laughin with you cuz you have a wicked killah Bahston accent kehd" sort of way.)

Do they make these lists so Facebook friends can argue over who's "The most Boston of them all?" or "The most 90s of them all?" ...how can one person born in 1988 be more from the 90's than someone else born in 1988? That doesn't even make sense.

But anyways, I like to end things on a positive note, so the one good thing I can say about these "You know you're _____ if you ____" lists is that they are a step above the old lists from the AOL Instant Messenger Away Message days that went something like,

Top Ten Reasons To Date a Wrestler
(Courtesy of angelfire.com)
10. Knows how to ride
9. Never stalls on the bottom
8. Can score from any position
7. Knows how to use his hips
6. Can work a 2-on-1
5. Goes hard from start to finish
4. Endurance, endurance, endurance.
3. Knows when to push and pull
2. Will eat anything
1. Always wears his headgear

You can tell they ran out of reasons as they got to the bottom because...are wrestlers, in fact, willing to eat anything? Most wrestlers I knew starved themselves. Otherwise, they weren't anymore adventurous in their eating habits than the next guy. ...And why would I want to date someone who always wears headgear? That's weird.

[Editor's note: 1 month and 4 days later I FINALLY understand the headgear thing. You know when you can't figure out the answer to a question and you're too stubborn to Google search it, but then you wake up in the middle of the night and say, "SALLY FIELD!!" Just had one of those moments here. So I'll give them that one. But I maintain that number 2 is a pretty weak one.]


"I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, 'no, actually I'm a giraffe.'"
-Richard Gere

Get with the [online] program!

At work I have a lot of clients that deal with internet security. Learning more about the topic inspired me to change my passwords to ridiculous things like T#djn3*xx%A (that's not really my password for anything so don't bother.) But one thing I refuse to let knowing more about the internet do is make me paranoid to put any information on there. Because avoiding the internet is really inconvenient. It is completely ridiculous to balance your checkbook on paper when you can just check your statement online (Dad...). It is a lot easier to find out where the hell you are when you allow Google maps to access your location.

Mostly I justify giving multiple websites information about myself by assuring myself that I am really not that important. If Facebook has nothing better to do than click through some old pictures of mine that I thought I deleted...that's probably a bad sign for business. If they want to re-purpose any of my pictures for any sort of marketing...they are really hurting for material.

Maybe if I was someone who actually mattered in the larger scheme of life, politics, etc. I would care more about my online presence. Not that I'm reckless about it now anyways...that's just common sense. But maybe it's time for everyone to just adapt to the internet age. In the past there was never a forum, accessible 24/7 that offered infinite ways in which to both ruin your reputation, and simultaneously broadcast it to the world. Things are different now. It's a lot harder for people to mask their idiocy when their common sense doesn't always move at 4G speeds.

I completely understand people will not agree with my viewpoint about accepting the internet for what it is (a highly convenient tool that usually requires more information from you for the sake of becoming even more convenient for you) and adapting accordingly. But these same people will also not be current with relevant and useful technology, and will be missing out on a lot of great things. If you do not have a Facebook you are out of the loop. You may not care to be in the loop...but I'm judging you for it. People have this fear that technology is ruining our lives. Facebook is ruining our communication skills. Instant Messenger is ruining our ability to speak in complete sentences. But these people are the same type of people who refer to the 1950's and 60's as the "good old days" even if they weren't around for them. Ahh, the good old days of segregation and the Red Scare. Sounds awesome.

There will always be people who hide their money under their mattresses because they don't trust banks. And look, you can go through your whole life being fearful of things...there are enough giant banking scandals, websites losing millions of credit card numbers etc. to confirm and perpetuate these fears...but the bottom line is that, to me at least, it is not worth it to be this way. The world is changing the way it operates and if you don't adapt it will leave you behind. Regardless of whether you view that as a good thing or bad thing, it is a fact. For those of us who embrace the change, just continue to be smart, practice moderation, and think before you hit send. Of course there is always a risk, but what super-tool wouldn't come with any drawbacks?

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in awhile, you might miss it."
-Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller
...if you haven't picked up on it yet, some of these quotes are really only partially relevant to what I write about. I know Ferris Bueller wasn't really referring to missing out on technology when he said this. I just like the quote.

Whatever helps you sleep at night!

Usually I would say that I'm someone who's pretty honest with myself. I can acknowledge when I'm being ridiculous or inappropriate, or making a mistake. I can also acknowledge when I did something positive, or went above and beyond of what was expected of me. That being said, I find it quite horrifying how easy it is for me, an honest person, to lie straight to my own face.

I do it all the time. But I try my best to use the power for good and not evil.

I first realized that lying to myself worked like a charm when I was running. I would go out for runs, and as I was getting about a mile away from home the desire to stop and walk would become overwhelming. So I began to tell myself, "Ok, you can start walking as soon as you get to the top of your street." But what I found when I got there is that I could probably push it a bit further, so then instead of walking I would sprint. And now that I figured this trick out, I do it all the time.

(As I get to my street corner I always imagine the active, in-shape half of my brain yelling "PSYCH! See ya at home sucker!" to the lazy half of my brain that wanted to walk....does that make me schizophrenic?)

Now, I wouldn't recommend that technique for everyone, because some people really will stop. I find that the trick works better the more self-hatred you have. ...No, I'm joking. But honestly, it works best on those of us with a guilty conscience. I know that I'll feel bad if I walk the last quarter mile of my run, but when I'm 3/4 of a mile away from home I just need to be fake-nice to my mind to get me through that brutal half mile. Then the rest is just the home stretch. You can deal with that when you come to it.

I find this is true of lots of other things besides working out too. All my brain really needs to get through a tough time is some sense that it has an out--no matter how fake or non-genuine that out is. (Side note: ingenuine isn't a real word?! News to me.)

Another time I lie to myself is when I tell myself that something I want to do or have already done is acceptable even though I have previously stated that whatever it is is most definitely not acceptable. (Side note again: HATE when I write myself into a position where I have to use "is is" or "do do" ugh. If I was less lazy I'd try to work around that.)

I bet you're familiar with these situations yourself. If you're questioning it I have the perfect test!

Have you ever said to yourself: "Well...it's different when I do it!" (Wow side note again, I'm putting myself in really tough grammatical situations tonight. Where the hell do I put the question mark that belongs at the end of that quote when I also want to use an exclamation point? I'm unsure so I've made the executive decision to just let it float. Prepare yourselves.) ?

Getting back on track...if you have ever spoken the phrase "It's different when I do it" chances are that it was not different at all and you are lying to yourself. Sorry. You can still do it if you want...I do all the time. Knowing you're a liar is the first step to...well...feeling better about your lies. And hypocrisy barely counts as long as you acknowledge it.
I need to face it. I had it right the first time when I said jeggings were a horrendous fashion trend. They were not any less horrendous when I wore them.

Maybe I'll work on this. But probably not, because I still want to get away with things.

"You lying little earwig!"
-Harry Wormwood (Danny DeVito), Matilda

Stop and smell the...Tyrannosaurus?

With so much technology these days, it is easy for us to take completely miraculous things for granted. (Sometimes my mind is blown just thinking about how fax machines work. I mean...you dial a phone number and it sends a message on paper!!)

But aside from brand new things that we take for granted, I argue that we also take extremely old things for granted too.

One word for you: dinosaurs.

Have you really thought about dinosaurs lately? Since we learned about them in, what? 5th grade?

I know you think I'm nuts right now, but I seriously want you to think about dinosaurs. Think about a T-Rex. A Tyrannosaurus-freaking-rex.

Want some stats?

According to Wikipedia a T-rex measured up to 42 feet in length (assuming that means from head to tail) and weighed about 6.8 metric tons.

Wanna know how much 6.8 metric tons is?

Just shy of 15,000 pounds.

Now, if you're like me, you're thinking that an elephant probably weighs more than that. And indeed, they typically do. BUT is an elephant a lizard?! Can you see its giant, meat-loving teeth? Does it have hilariously tiny forearms? Nope. An elephant has a big funny looking trunk that sniffs peanuts and unwraps bananas. That's harmless. A T-rex unwraps your skin from your body.

Ok so I obviously made that up. But if dinosaurs existed when humans did, I imagine they would have been able to do that.

When we're in 5th grade I don't think we can quite appreciate just how ridiculous dinosaurs were. So here's a website from Dino Don for you to brush up on some facts...http://www.dinodon.com/15facts.htm

"I have a big head, and little arms!"

-Some hilarious t-rex from Meet the Robinsons